The alarm startles me awake. I squint my eyes to check the time. It’s 5:30. I know it’s time to wake up but I can’t bring myself to do it.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been a morning person. I never understood people, who could just easily bounce out of bed, prepare breakfast and in a short while be ready to face the day.
For me, the lure of the cozy bed was stronger than a hot shower.
I’m that girl who sets her alarm clock for 5:30, planning on getting up, having a run and later make some breakfast before heading off to work.
But like all the best-laid plans, this one never came to fruition. Inevitably the snooze button is just a groggy swipe of the hand away, giving me relief from facing the reality of the day in 5-minute bursts.
Brian knew me better than anyone. It was always ever a struggle between us trying to wake me up. I was used to him, too tired of waking me up so many times, he would just make breakfast and bring it to me.
Despite the war of silence, we were engaged in at the moment, he still found a way to wake me up. At this time he would be in the kitchen making breakfast for us. I knew in a short while, he would burst into the room and pull the sheets off me, warranting me to wake up indefinitely.
But wait! Where was Brian? I should be hearing sounds from the kitchen or the shower running, but it was dead silent. I looked around. There was evidence that he had slept in the room. I mean we went to bed together and though we did not talk much, I had seen him climb into bed and go to sleep.
“Brian,” I called out hoping that he would answer back but nothing came. Not even a sound.
I jumped out of bed and made my way towards the window. I drew the curtains and looked outside as if he would suddenly appear on the other side of the window.
Where could he be? I began to wonder as I shivered and drew the cloak tighter around my neck.
“Brian!” I called again this time even louder.
A dog barked in the next house.
I was now getting worried.
Could he have left a bit earlier than usual? Maybe he had an early meeting which, because I was not talking to him I couldn’t have been aware of.
At that moment I began to imagine that he probably left early and didn’t tell me since we weren’t talking. You know all those good thoughts you have of someone because you don’t want to imagine the unthinkable? Yeah, that was me at that time.
I prayed to the heavens that Brian was at work and not lying lifeless in a ditch somewhere.
There was only one way of confirming it and getting things clear.
I called him but the call went unanswered. I called again and again after several minutes but it was still dead silent on the other end.
The worry had now fully registered on my face. Where could he be at this time?
The darkness had faded by now. The sunlight beamed through the white blinds, presenting the morning sun against my sculpted face.
I was yet to get hold of Brian. I called again and he still could not pick up.
Did I get him too angry last night? Maybe he had had enough of me and my stupid fights and not believing him.
At that moment I couldn’t help but think of how I was to blame if anything happened to him.
I decided to give him time. He was probably too pissed off to talk to me at the moment. Maybe he just needed time away from everything to think things over?
I decided to take a shower and go to work. It was running late anyway. The Brian I knew would call back before the end of the day.
But it’s now 9:30 and most people have already retired to bed, and Brian is nowhere to be found, nor has he returned my many calls. This is so unlike him.
Did I dig my own grave without knowing it?
To be continued….
Written by Lillyanne Gathoni